I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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