She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I smell like Dick and happiness
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