In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
