Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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