vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We had sex on a dog bed..
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
