i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
