I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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