Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
