It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
