Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
