im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
