Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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