you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
