did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
