I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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