He had one of those small greek statue penises
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
