Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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