ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Randomize
