"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We were destined to go to rehab together
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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