i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
