I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
