i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Randomize
