I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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