Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
