Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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