I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
