so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
