My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
