I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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