i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
