I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
