Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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