PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
