Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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