I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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