I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
