Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
