Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
