I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
