you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
