I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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