Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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