Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
