About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
