i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
worst night to have a conscience
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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