All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
