The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
