Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
