I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
