you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
