every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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