are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
