i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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