I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
