...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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