Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
