Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize