I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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