I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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