So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
