I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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