Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
