It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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