What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize