I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
and i looked up. we had an audience...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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