there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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